35th

I celebrated my birthday with some pancit and two bottles of beer..

Unlike last year, this year was in no position to be worth savoring…though Cayman Islands was able to avert the serious effects of the pandemic…I still do not feel celebrating when the world is literally bending its knees, ecological and societal pressures are at its highest since world war 2.

I watched a three part series regarding Stalin yesterday evening. I was astonished and horrified in a way to have understood how dumb I am with history. Stalin was much more mad, much worse than Hitler by far. He was celebrated as a hero yet the tremendous destruction and suffering he caused to millions of people in USSR is clearly bewildering. I told Patrycja (a special friend in Poland) how dumb I was and seems to me we that what happened in the past does not emerge itself naturally in the present. She was also understanding the same thing, most of our generation are lost with what the lessons of the past and is navigating the world kind of blind, or being led by blind leaders and governments.

This birthday is much weirder than I expected. It captures how absurdingly in opposite my birthday yesterday compared to last years’. I never thought that the discussions regarding my studies on the axioms that describe good and evil over history and science will be extensively be used - harnessed to derive a direction moving forward. But despite my ability to create and discipline, I am so powerless to what rut the world is in. The future is quite murky and I do not know how to deal with the hands of fate that all of us are in. Maybe in my desire to write about this troubling world we all share now, I may find a clearer path forward…